It may seem impossible that, in our current cursed reality, anyone could generate even a single good tweet. For the most part, this is true.
But there are a few tweets that rise above. These are the good tweets, the tweets that perhaps — against all odds — even made us laugh. Does anyone remember what laughing feels like? We have forgotten.
Anyway, here are 25 of this year’s finest tweets (so far.)
coffins : the ultimate and final ravioli
— egg dog ★★☆☆☆ (@egg_dog) March 7, 2018
boba fett is short for roberta fettuccine
— st marben’s fingerbone (@bonerman_inc) May 26, 2018
La Croix taste like if you were drinking carbonated water and someone screamed out loud the name of a specific fruit in the other room
— Daniel Tran (@Daanieltran) January 7, 2018
today at my bar one guy made fun of his buddy for drinking a blue hawaiian and he goes “I don’t give a shit if it’s baby blue this is fucking delicious. how’s that budweiser taste you basic ass bitch” and then slammed the rest of it and went “FUCK you and your beer Kyle”
— gracie hoos (@cottoncandaddy) May 3, 2018
once i learn how to express anger without crying it’s over for you hoes
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) June 5, 2018
We should change the names of AR-15s to “Marco Rubio” because they are so easy to buy.
— Sarah Chadwick (@Sarahchadwickk) February 23, 2018
Not only are women LYING when they wear make up but I just learned their legs aren’t made of denim either! They wear something called jeans to trick men! I want a REAL woman with natural boot cut legs!
— Eric Colossal (@EricColossal) March 27, 2018
me talking to a friend: like yes, intimacy is great, but am i really ready for a full relationship right now?
instagram ad: Do you feel like yes, intimacy is great, but am i really ready for a full relationship right now? If so, you should shop at this online thrift store
— jaboukie young-white (@jaboukie) March 5, 2018
ELLEN: so i hear u tweet about wanting to die
ME: haha yeah, i do
*Death comes out, creeps up behind me*
ME: omg ellen you didnt
— rav (@Doughbvy) May 8, 2018